


Things We Do Not Speak Of

by Divinion



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Friendship, M/M, Unrequited Love, developing feelings, difficult conversations, relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-28
Updated: 2019-09-21
Packaged: 2020-02-08 20:30:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18630730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Divinion/pseuds/Divinion
Summary: Following the Alverez war, Natsu needs to talk to Gray. There is too much left unspoken, events that they haven't been able to talk through, but he can't even step through his front door without seeing his friendly stalker outside…





	1. Day 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mdelpin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mdelpin/gifts).



> A Gratsu request from mdelpin: "Natsu tries to be a good friend and goes to talk to Juvia for Gray but sometime during the course of the conversation realizes his own feelings?"

The sky was grey and overcast. A light breeze whispered in the wind. And the town of Magnolia was still once more.

It had been almost three weeks since the battle of Alverez. Tirelessly, the wizards of Fairy Tail worked on the repairs to the war-torn land, initially focussing on their guildhall before diverting their resources towards helping the rest of the town. A great debt was owed to the citizens of Magnolia. Yet again they had been pulled into a war that had nothing to do with them, and yet again they had stood by their side, holding not an ounce of blame towards their resident guild. It was only fair for Fairy Tail to send their greatest workers far and wide across the city, helping wherever they went.

It was getting late. Most of Natsu’s friends had disappeared their separate ways, filled with a need to either soothe aching muscles in baths or calm their minds with a strong drink. The dragon slayer, on the other hand, was still walking. After an exhausting day making the final repairs inside the guildhall - which he had, admittedly, almost singlehandedly demolished in the first place – he began to take in the work the rest of his fellow mages had achieved. He had to admit that Magnolia was starting to look beautiful again, both inside and out. The people smiled more, they saw the Fairy Tail symbol and greeted the wizards as old friends. The days were long, the work was hard, but at the end of it, it was worth it to see the things that had once been broken were beginning to mend.

He absently watched as the busy streets of bustling stalls turned to long winding roads of plain houses. The damage here seemed a distant memory in these old stone houses. Even before the war, Natsu had never had much reason to venture this direction, but still he knew the route like the back of his hand. All the way to a seemingly uninteresting townhouse.

"Hello, Natsu-san."

"Hey, Juvia. I should have known you'd be around," he greeted the water witch with a kind and wide smile as always.

Natsu was so used to the combined harmony with his target, he'd almost missed that there was a second scent all along. Juvia Lockser sat opposite the house he had been staring into, as she obviously had been for quite some time. The whole setup seemed strange, but nothing unexpected from the rain woman. She had a flask on one side, filled with some cool liquid gaining condensation, a couple of bags by her feet, and a box of food on her lap. A heavenly scent filled the air from the perfectly steamed dumplings; obviously she had taken some time to improve her previously questionable cooking. Just as he was about to remark on her preparation, the young woman dragged another of the bags forward, pulling out a circular tub which matched the one that she had on her own lap. "Would you like something to eat?" she asked, lifting it up to the dragon slayer.

He couldn't refuse, even if he wanted to. Not while the smell of her meal was in the air, warm dumplings that were somehow still steaming fresh. He could feel his mouth watering just looking at it, eagerly taking the box into his hands. "Thanks!" he said, surprised but taking a seat beside her. "This, uh, isn't gonna have Gray's face on it or anything, is it?" he asked, opening the box cautiously.

Juvia's own face turned bright red, but she shook her head quickly. "Juvia could never let Natsu eat Gray-sama!"

It wouldn't have stopped him, but it would have made him feel slightly more awkward to take the meal. He took a pair of chopsticks from her, snapping them open and eagerly picking up the first piece. The rush of salt and spices mixed with the soft bounce of texture, and it really did taste just as amazing as it smelt. "Oh my god, this is so good! Did you make this for Gray?" he asked with a full mouth.

"Mhmm. Juvia would love to go inside and give some to Gray!" she announced without so much of a heartbeat of hesitation. But then, she sighed. Her chopsticks lowered in her hand and her gaze dropped. "But Gray-sama doesn't want to see Juvia today."

Natsu frowned to himself. That didn't exactly sound very nice. "He said that?"

"No, but he didn't invite Juvia inside," she said, as if no other explanation were needed. "Maybe you'll have more luck. Would you like a drink?”

Natsu took one look at what appeared to be a freezing cold drink in Juvia’s hand, no doubt made for very different taste buds to his own. He scrunched up his nose. “No thanks. So, you’re not going in, just because he didn’t invite you inside? Did you knock?”

“Well, Gray-sama knows that Juvia is outside. When Gray-sama wants to see his Juvia, then he will come out and invite her into his home. If he sees that Natsu-san is here too, he might invite is both inside. Although… Juvia is surprised you even know where Gray-sama's house is."

"What do you mean by that?" Natsu asked, leaning back and waiting. That almost sounded accusing.

"Natsu has never been here before."

"That's not true!"

"Yes, it is. Juvia has never seen you here."

"That doesn't mean I haven't been here!" Yes, it did. He knew it did, just as he knew it was true. Once, he may have known this familiar route from muscle memory and childhood games, but now it was scent alone that brought him to this doorstop.

Juvia hummed to herself in thought. She, unlike the vast majority of Fairy Tail, didn't seem willing to argue with Natsu. "So, if you don't mind Juvia asking… what are you doing here now?"

That was an excellent question. "No reason." Juvia's eyebrows raised, and Natsu's frown deepened. Even he knew that that wasn’t a valid explanation. He shrugged his shoulders instead, the first excuses he could think of flying out of his mouth; "I didn't see him at the guild today, that's all."

"Juvia didn’t think that many people were still at the guild… Gray-sama was repairing Kardia Cathedral today," Juvia offered helpfully.

"Ah, that makes sense," Natsu said to himself. It hadn't been too badly damaged compared to the other buildings and livelihoods, but Gray had a connection to the religious building. And the guildhall was so close to completion, having an entire guild crawling over it usually did more harm than good.

"Is that the only reason?" Juvia pressed.

She was persistent, he would give her that. "What about you? If you know you're not going to go inside, what are you doing here?" he asked instead, turning the question back onto the rain woman.

"Juvia doesn't have to go inside to know she is with her Gray-sama," she said, sounding almost proud. Her eyes glittered as she stared up at the window, the one that Natsu could only assume would be Gray's bedroom and most likely where he was in now. "If Juvia stays here, then Gray-sama will know that Juvia is here for him, whenever he wants her! Juvia will always be there for Gray-sama."

There was something almost kind of sweet about that, even if it was in their own special way. "Well, then, maybe that's why I'm here too," Natsu said thoughtfully.

"Natsu is in love with Gray-sama too?!" Juvia's eyes widened, a glare resembling that of a wild animal. Her body posture had completely changed now. Every muscle had tensed, the empty container was held close to her chest as she eyed the last of Natsu's food, wondering if she would learn to regret lending both her meal and perfect position to the ‘love rival'.

"What?! No!!" he quickly spat out. She had gone from adorable to terrifying in the blink of an eye, and any response but that would have left him boiled alive. "I meant the other stuff! You know, being there and- stuff."

Juvia was not so easily convinced. "Juvia doesn't understand…" she said stiffly,

Neither did Natsu, but he wasn't going to admit as much. "It's nothing. I was just going to, you know, talk about missions – yeah, that's right. A new mission. When the guild is back."

"Oh…" Juvia said slowly, still giving Natsu a slightly wary look but at least deciding that calmed the worst of her fears. "So, if it is not to confess your love… why haven't you gone inside yet?"

"I was eating! And being nice to you!" he insisted. But the question still caught himself off-guard. Because in a way, Juvia was right; he should have gone straight in. Talking to Juvia wasn't an excuse, it had been a distraction, one that had long since lost its potency now they had been sitting together for a few minutes.

He sat upright, ready to go. But didn’t stand up.

"Is something wrong?"

"No!" Natsu shook his head quickly. Nothing was wrong. It was fine. He needed to go in there and-

"You've never done this before, have you?" Juvia asked quietly.

He hadn't expected her to say anything, especially not that. How was it that he felt so completely lost even as her eyes seemed clearer than ever? "Never done what?"

"Being a friend," Juvia said with a soft smile, before quickly holding up her hands before Natsu could begin to shout at her. "Juvia knows that Natsu-san has always been great at motivating and cheering people on and making so many friends. Maybe even better than Gray-sama-"

" _Definitely better than Gray-sama…_ " Natsu mumbled under his breath.

"-And from all that Juvia has seen, Natsu-san has always been there to fight alongside his friends. But you are also very good at fighting people that you love. It’s who you are. Fairy Tail loves Natsu-san… but… have you ever told anyone that you love them?"

"I already said I don't-!!"

"As your best friend, Natsu."

"… _Oh_."

He bit back in a sullen, angry silence at that statement. Because the implication was just completely untrue. He was an amazing friend. He had always been an amazing friend. He was the one who stood by the people he loved when there seemed like no hope. He would scream and shout until they got back onto their feet and kept fighting. How was that not telling someone that they loved them?

Besides, Gray didn't have to hear something like that. He got punched often enough to know that he was loved.

"I think that Gray-sama would love to hear that you care about him. _As a friend_."

If the last three words weren't said in such a terrifying, warning tone, her sentiment might have been the one of the nicest things that Natsu had ever heard. It was just a shame that he didn't believe it. "Yeah, he's not gonna care about that," he said, rubbing the back of his neck beneath his scarf. His muscles ached for rest, while his mind begged for escape. He looked up at the sky, watching the horizon turning a deep crimson. It was starting to get late, and his mind was failing to connect his words to his feelings anymore. “I bet he'd want to hear it from you, though."

"You really think so?!" Juvia gasped, his eyes suddenly lit up like Christmas.

"Sure, of course. He adores you," he said.

Suddenly, everything in his body was just _done_ with the rest of the day. Like a light switch turning off. The sky suddenly seemed to be vanishing into darkness, the muscles in his body all unanimously screamed for rest. He didn’t understand why every cell in his body had suddenly turned against him, when all he’d been doing was having a pleasant conversation with the smitten woman. The two simply couldn’t have been connected.

He stood sharply, passing Juvia's food container back to her. "Thanks for the meal, Juvia. I'll see you at the guild tomorrow. Or the Cathedral?"

Juvia looked up and nodded, a bright and wide smile plastered on her face. "We'll see you tomorrow, Natsu-san!"


	2. Chapter 2

On the second day, Natsu had known to expect Juvia on the bench outside Gray’s house. Instead of going directly to the home of his friend, he walked on the other side of the street and straight towards the rain woman. “Still no luck?” he asked absently, more to make his presence known than anything else.

Her eyes lit up seeing the company, though he did notice they dropped a little when realising it wasn’t who she’d hoped for. He tried not to take offense to that. “Natsu, you’re back!” she said, as she pushed away the bags and made room for him to sit once more beside her.

He grinned back and sat down, holding out what looked to be some kind of baton for Juvia to take. “What’s this?” she asked curiously, examining the thermos flask. As opened it slowly, the scents of warming spices and rich chocolate engulfed her.

“I figured even you could get sick of the cold sometimes,” he told her, watching as she took it close to her chest and secretly admiring how easily she could hold the scorching metal. “You been out here for a while?”

“Thank you, Natsu…” she said with a small blush. Not like the blushes she would so often have when experiencing her sweet girl crush, but softer and genuinely thankful. “Juvia doesn’t mind the cold. But she does appreciate the warmth too… Would you like a drink?”

Natsu couldn’t rightly refuse, nodding and beaming from ear to ear. Quickly, the two cups were placed between them and filled with the surprisingly thick hot chocolate, overpowering the air with a richly sweet taste.

“Sometimes, Gray-sama will bring Juvia a hot drink when it’s cold. Sometimes he will even come out and drink it with Juvia,” Juvia said into her steaming mug thoughtfully, looking back up at the house, warmed by her memories.

It was something Natsu had been thinking about over the last day or so, mulling over who he would be seeing that evening and what he would say to them. Time and time again, he found himself reflecting on Gray and Juvia, their twisted relationship and the adoration that struggled to come to the surface, all the while trying to ignore the twisting in his stomach. “Doesn’t that irritate you?” he asked, somewhere between confused and genuinely concerned. “His house is _right there_. He knows that we’re sitting here, and he doesn’t even think to come out? He just sits in there, probably all smug and warm and laughing at us!”

Juvia watched Natsu carefully, trying to pull apart his grumblings. It was a familiar tone, one that she knew all too well from years of studying Gray and Natsu’s friendship straining to the point of constant fights. Her expression softened. “Gray-sama has his own way of showing others that he wants them close,” she tried to explain.

Natsu turned back to Juvia, caught by surprise by her confidence. “Like what?”

She smiled again. “He bought Juvia a bench.”

He blinked. He stared at her again, for longer this time, turning his head to the side. “What bench?”

“This bench!” Juvia said brightly, looking back at the house and blushing again. “Juvia now can always have somewhere to stay if she wants to be close to her Gray-sama!”

Natsu decided that he was no longer sure which of the two was crazier than the other. He just had images of Gray finally losing his patience with Juvia standing outside of his house, knowing he couldn’t beat her entirely and reluctantly trying to make her as comfortable as possible. But then, maybe Juvia was right. Maybe he couldn’t bare the idea of her staying apart from him, even if he couldn’t gather the courage to let her inside.

“Juvia told Gray-sama where you were,” Juvia continued, hearing only skeptics silence from the dragon slayer. “Juvia said that you would looking forward to seeing him but he… said there was work to be done on the markets. Is something wrong…?”

Natsu pulled a face, sinking low into his seat until he was almost horizontal. “Who knows?” he grumbled, taking a sip of the hot liquid. “I haven’t really talked to the iced bastard for a while.”

Juvia nodded, a glimmer of deep understanding in her soft smile. “Gray-sama has spent a long time by himself since the battle. He spends time working, or with the guild… but in the evenings he is usually alone.”

“Not even with you?” Natsu looked up.

“Why would Gray-sama be with Juvia?”

Sometimes, Natsu felt like shaking her and her innocence. There was that horrible feeling in the back of his throat again, which he drowned with more hot chocolate before sitting upright. “Because he loves you!”

Juvia’s face went scarlet. Her hands went weak, barely balancing the mug and avoiding disaster.“Juv-Juvia doesn’t- Gray-sama is so very-“

“Seriously?!” Natsu shouted in disbelief, unable to see how even he had seen this! His mind was racing, staring between the girl stuck in the seat and the house to the other side. Only one road between them, coated with layers of uncertainty and miscommunication which just continued to irritate Natsu. It had been years like this, not moving anywhere, and he’d just assumed there was _something_ trickling slowly but surely between them. The worst kept secret of Fairy Tail.

He couldn’t quite explain the rush of urgency that came from deep inside him as he grabbed her hand. The hot chocolate slipped from her hands and fell onto the ground, spilling dark steaming liquid into the cracks below and barely missing the water woman’s skirt.

“N-Natsu, what are you-?!” she gasped.

"I'm sorting this out," Natsu answered stiffly, dragging her to her feet.

All of Fairy Tail had hoped that Gray and Juvia would one day work their relationship out for themselves, but it was clear that even after all these years nothing had changed. And it was unhealthy. For both of them. Natsu had no idea when or where that tipping point had appeared, when the strange games they played between each other had started to cause damage instead of annoyance, but now it was obvious. Alvarez had made a lot of unpleasant truths obvious.

Natsu kept his expression stony as he crossed the road, walking up to the front door of his best friend. He ignored how intense his smell was here, how much Juvia tried to pull away from his firm grip and offer some explanation. His determination was as powerful as it was foolhardy, and he made no hesitation to bang on the door loudly.

"Gray! I know you're in there so get your ass down here right now!!"

Juvia's face was turning brighter and brighter red. She could feel the heat of Natsu's palms tightly gripping her wrist, growing warmer as his words became filled with an inexplicable anger and frustration. Even if she'd wanted to, there was no escape. “Natsu, you don’t need to do this-“

They were both silenced by the sound of heavy footsteps. Natsu took a small step back, letting the door open to show the Devil Slayer, running a hand through his hair and wearing a heavy-set frown.

It was only then that Natsu remembered that this wasn’t just the first time he’d spoken to Gray for a several days; it was also the the first time he'd seen him. Some broken logic had expected him to look exactly as he had at the end battle, bloodied and bruised but wearing the smile of victory they all proudly donned. He’d expected to see muscles pumped on adrenaline, an exhaustion that itched to take on the next challenge while dreading yet another. The difference made him temporarily forget why he was standing in his doorway. That strange lump in the back of his throat returned. Gray looked drained. His body slouched and hair fell flat. He looked tired. He looked-

Gray just blinked, looking between his two guests in confusion. "What’s… going on?"

Natsu swallowed hard, pulling Juvia in front of him like a shield. “You should know what’s going on!! You’ve been getting Juvia to sit outside your damn house for years without even letting her in!!” he yelled, realising that he was biting with more anger than he’d expected.

Gray just looked blank and dazed. His gaze now shifted from Natsu solely to Juvia, watching as her face continued to burn.

"Juvia tried to explain…" she excused herself weakly, eyes flicking up to Gray's and down to the ground.

Gray's mouth turned dry. He just couldn't even work out how to respond, though his hands were instinctively starting to curl into tight fists. "Natsu, what the hell are you-"

Natsu wasn't going to simply argue with words. He dragged Juvia forward and suddenly let go, leaving the young woman stumbling forward. She gasped, only realising too late that she was thrown into the strong arms of her half-naked crush. Her face when from rose to crimson red, a heat radiating from her cheeks and hissing in steam against his cooling touch. "Juvia-Juvia-" she mumbled, words completely escaping her.

"Natsu!!" Gray hissed at him.

"Work it out!" Natsu yelled at them both, taking another step back. His body felt ready to collapse with the adrenaline through his veins, his heart pounding so hard he could no longer hear the thoughts in his head. That was probably a good thing. This needed to run on instincts alone; instincts and anger. "Both of you stop fucking around. She loves you, you love her - so get over it and just admit it already!"

Gray and Juvia looked back at each other, a moment of shock written across both of their expressions. It was nearly impossible to read anything else but pure surprise when they were literally being pushed together, although Natsu couldn't miss the way that Juvia's body leaned closer against Gray's bare chest.

It was definitely time to leave them to it. Before either of them could raise a word of protest, Natsu had slammed the door on their faces. Whatever was going to happen now, he didn't want to see it. Didn't want to be a part of it any more than he already was.

For the life of him, he couldn't work out why his good deed had left him with such a pain…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading :)  
> If you want this to stay as a nice Gruvia story, stop reading now. Otherwise, there will be more chapters to come!  
> Thank you for all your kudos and reviews are a HUGE benefit!!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, very short chapter!

Magnolia had been blessed with mostly dry weather for the longest time, but now the heavens had finally opened. Fairy Tail were on a race against time, making sure that every hole and broken tile was secured, every home and livelihood protected from yet another catastrophe. The guildhall was quickly sealed against the downpour, so most of the wizards scattered across the city in search of citizens that had struggled with the onslaught of water.

Just as he'd been instructed, Natsu wandered the city. He searched for hours, looking out for anyone that needed his heat or warmth, or even just a helping hand. Every footstep carried a river, his clothes anchored with a heavy weight dragging him down and leaving him sweaty, shivering and tired. The cold rain lashed down relentlessly, biting into him with reminders of the gruelling days. With every cold splinter he felt his haste, his determination, his desperation to fix what was so obviously close to breaking.

Not that it mattered anymore. Any damage that had been done from the adverse weather was either fixed or beyond repair.

He hadn’t realised where his mindless wanders had led him until he saw the bench, stained dark with water. And the townhouse, a siren of smells against the moist air.

Juvia was nowhere to be seen. She was either still out doing jobs or… inside.

The lump in his throat suddenly felt like a knife. It tore through his insides, shuddered against his breath and plunged straight into his heart.

There was no lie he could tell himself to mask this anymore: He didn't like Juvia being with Gray. He didn't like the idea of her hands pawing across his naked chest, feeling the curves of his abs and tracing fingertips along his dark guildmark. He hated the thought of her running sharp nails through his dark hair, embracing his musky smell and biting into his shoulder. Only now was he starting to realise that those were not images of a shy rain woman, but those pleasures he had wanted all along. Pleasures he had ripped away from himself, handing as a gift to one of his treasured nakama.

He felt like screaming into the air. All this time, all those stupid fights, they meant nothing. When it came down to it, all that mattered was an unbreakable bond. A bond that was now being stretched and broken out of shape, all because Natsu was too late to realise that he wanted it to be more. He needed it to be more, in whatever form they could find themselves.

Because Juvia was right. He should have gone in that very first day and told Gray that he cared about him.

And because he cared for him, he wanted him happy. And he wanted Juvia happy. He had always known that they could make each other happy, and now they clearly were enjoying their happiness. Because Juvia wasn't outside his house; she was inside with him and finally everything was at peace.

And Natsu walked home alone, using the raindrops as an excuse for the tears rolling down his cheeks.


	4. Chapter 4

Natsu’s tired haze did not disappear the next day.                      

The week was finally drawing to a close. Missions were officially starting to appear back on the guild board, not that most of them were being taken yet. Between the war, the wounds and the repairs, almost every wizard in Fairy Tail had worn themselves to exhaustion, and Natsu more so than most. His head had spent most of the day against the wooden tables, slumbering away the words of care advising him to go to just go home and go to bed.

He didn't see Gray or Juvia for the whole day. It had been almost an entire week since Gray had set foot in the guildhall. _Maybe they were busy_ , Natsu mused to himself _…Maybe they were just more interested in each other's company than anyone else's…_

He had no intention of returning to the bench that day.

It was late when he finally gave into the friendly suggestions to walk home. The hard desk hadn’t exactly given him a comforting rest, but he knew that he'd slept too much to get any more that night. He'd told Happy as much, and for yet another evening asked him to stay with Lucy or Lisanna. The little exceed may have looked worried, but he kept a brave face. He knew that Natsu was using him to scout around the rest of his friends and check up on everyone. He took this role seriously, proud to be a part of the winning pair, so for yet another night he went to Lucy’s side and let Natsu tackle the other half of the guild. Which always seemed to lead to just one person.

Natsu really had intended to go straight home. As soon as he saw Gray by the canal, he knew that wouldn’t happen.

The damp air muddled Gray’s scent, the moisture made his hair flat and lifeless, and he didn’t even turn in Natsu’s direction no matter how loud his footsteps were. But it was him. It was finally him. Natsu felt that lump again, that horrible feeling growing and reminding him just how much he’d missed Gray. He’d so genuinely missed him.

"Hey."

"Hey."

That was all they said for the first few seconds. Gray with his hands deep in his pockets, Natsu adjusting his scarf uncomfortably. The air was thick and unbearable, laced with a soft mist from the previous day’s downpour and filling their breath with stifling closeness. The sounds of the canal washing away the rain quickly and loudly was all that fell between them, splashing over the side and threatening to burst through.

"Gray-"

"You're an idiot."

Natsu stopped. He hadn’t even had the chance to finish deciding what to say before it was abruptly cut short! "I- Why am I the idiot?!" he yelled out.

Gray suddenly turned back to Natsu. Anger blazed in his eyes, a deeper and more personal vein than in their usual spars. Every muscle in the Ice Maker’s body was tensed, coiled tightly and ready to explode, but he somehow managed to get one finger to point aggressively at Natsu's chest. "If you _ever_ try to mess with my love life again, I swear to Maker I will break every one of your fucking teeth," he hissed.

Natsu's eyes widened, clearly confused. He had barely the time to even process what he could have done wrong. His words were threatening, laced with an unusual strain of anger; raw, hurt and cold. But the truly devastating message was much quieter; _if this was one of their usual fights, he would have punched him already._

"What happened?" Natsu asked.

Gray’s eyes hardened, cold and glazed with that frozen rage. "I thought you knew me better than that," he told him flatly.

And then he turned away.

Somehow, that was even worse.

Natsu's brain was spinning in circles, trying to work out what on Earthland he was talking about. Gray had taken several steps back now, lifting a cigarette to his lips and struggling to ignite the flame in the moist air. Something about the image, the older man hunched over the old habit, the hooded gaze and stubbornly ignoring him, was unrecognisable. Natsu realised now it must have been an awful mistake, threatening to break what was already so fragile. “I don’t understand – just tell me what I’ve done?!” he spat out, his concerns shining as red-hot anger.

Gray pulled the unlit cigarette from his mouth, throwing Natsu a sideways glance. "I’m not in love with Juvia. Never have been," he said.

"Wh-what?!"

But that didn't make sense! Even while Gray seemed clueless, and at times even terrified, the affection between the pair was undeniable. Everyone in the guild knew the two would eventually gravitate towards each other. It may have been twisted and strange and broken, but weren't most things in the guild? "If-if you didn't love her, why didn't you just tell her?!" Natsu demanded.

"I did. Several times."

"B-But then you kept her close! And she kept flirting with you, but you were always going on missions together and days out and stuff! Why did you do that!?" Natsu shouted again, feeling strangely protective.

“I didn’t _do_ -” Gray swallowed suddenly, swiftly glancing away as he swallowed his instincts just to fight back. Not because he didn't want to fight, but because he felt the familiar strings of guilt holding him back. "I was put into a difficult position. I _wanted_ to like her. Things would have been easier if I'd liked her, even just a little…" he said, his words drifting away from him. "She's always been a really good friend to me, and I never wanted to break her heart. Besides, if people thought that I liked her they wouldn't ask me who I actually like…"

That was a lot of information for Natsu to take in a very short amount of time. Everything seemed to be spinning out of control. Up was down, left was right, and now Gray didn't even like Juvia? He was trying to protect both her feelings and his own? "Well, how the hell was I supposed to know that?!" he demanded.

"I thought you knew me!!" Gray snapped back at him, his eyes sharpening back to Natsu. He growled under his breath, trying to shove the cigarette back into his mouth. It still wouldn't light, only adding to his frustrations. "Or you could have at least fucking asked."

"I'm not the one that was using Juvia all this time!!" Natsu shouted.

"That's not-!!" Gray let out an angry sound of annoyance, having to start again and taking out the cigarette just so he could scream at him. "I wasn't _using_ her! I was- I already told her that I wasn't interested! It's not my fault that she just didn't believe me!”

“That’s bullshit!” Natsu yelled back.

“No, what’s bullshit is you trying to force me and her together when you know nothing about our situation!” Gray said, taking several steps forwards before pushing Natsu heavily against his chest. “You don’t know anything about me or what I want. You clearly don’t know _who_ I want, so just back the fuck up and get out of my life.”

“But she loves you!” Natsu said, glaring at his friend as he felt something close to empathy. “Doesn’t that mean anything to you?”

“You think I have to love her just because she loves me?” Gray asked, looking at him in complete disbelief. “That’s not how this works, that’s not how any of this works!”

“Well, maybe it should be!!” Natsu yelled back at him.

“That’s- Grow up! Things don’t fall into place just because you want it that way!” Gray snapped at him.

Gray finally lost his temper. Something inside of him seemed to snap. But as Natsu braced himself for the first of many blows, nothing happened. Instead, Gray took the cigarette in his hand, crushing it and throwing it away. A small, angry hiss escaped through his teeth as he stormed forward, keeping his distance and moving straight past Natsu.

Natsu growled, grabbing onto Gray’s arm as he tried to escape. He kept his eyes on him, stony and determined, reflecting the years of experience and maturity he’d gained – whether he’d wanted it or not. “You can’t just _pretend_ that you didn’t lead her on.”

Gray paused, only slightly, before shrugging himself out of the grip. He matched the glare with one filled with despise. “Think what you like. But it was your _stupidity_ really hurt my best friend, Natsu,” he told him.

He didn’t wait for a reaction. The Ice Maker turned away, the bitterness lowering the chilling temperature around him as he moved away.

Natsu stood, helpless and frozen, trying to work out which part of that had hurt him most: The words, the implications, the hatred, or the fact that Gray had refused to raise a hand against him.


	5. Chapter 5

“And then he just left?”

“Yeah!” Natsu said again, his hands behind his head as he stared up at the white ceiling of his friend’s apartment. No matter how many times he’d retold the story, both out loud and in his own head, it didn’t make any more sense why it left such a painful sting. Even accounting for the developing jealousy and ‘feelings’ - not that he understood that, either – he still didn’t know how something as simple as words had managed to cut so deep.

Lucy gave a sincere sigh as she leaned back against her bedroom wall. “Well, at least that makes a little more sense…”

“It does?” Natsu asked, suddenly sitting upright.

She hummed thoughtfully under her breath before turning away, disappearing into the logic of the writer and picturing the two leading protagonists unfolding their intentions. “A little, yes. I thought that he’d been away from the guild, and specifically _you_ , because he felt guilty or upset by what you did to Juvia. Of course, he probably _is_ upset at that… but mostly _why_ you did it.”

Natsu looked at her blankly. “I just wanted Juvia to stop hanging around his house.”

She shook her head sharply, looking back to Natsu. “You clearly had good intentions for both of them, but did you really take into account how it would make Gray feel?”

“Yes, of course I did! Like I told him, I wanted him to be happy! It’s not my fault he’s too much of a stuck in the mud to take it!”

“Natsu, that’s not…”

Lucy’s words were cut off by a knock against the window. The both quickly turned, seeing a streak of blue against the dark skies. The paws knocked again, barely audible against the streams of raindrops pelting down the glass.

“Happy!” she gasped, running over to the windowsill and quickly unclasping the latch. “Are you alright?!”

As soon as the window opened, the wet bundle of water burst inside of the room. The poor kitten hopped from one leg to another as the water ran through his fur and down his back and legs. “Aye!” he announced, though his shivering suggested otherwise. Without another word, he darted quickly into the warm radiation of Natsu’s side. He nuzzled into his comforting heat, giving a heartfelt sigh of relief as he began to ring out the last raindrops.

Natsu’s face softened, looking at the distress that his best friend had been put through. His arm wrapped around him gently, subconsciously raising his own temperature by several degrees as he felt his cold rubbing against him. “Did Juvia get all of our messages OK?” he asked him eventually.

Happy nodded, rubbing his little paws together. “Aye! She told me to let everyone know she’s thankful! And that the girls at Fairy Hills are being really really good and taking care of her and giving her hugs and drink and cake and stuff! She didn’t really _look_ happy yet… but Erza said she’d feel better soon!”

Lucy’s face dropped sympathetically, both towards the exceed’s frozen state and to his words. “Poor Juvia,” she whispered, taking a hand towel and wrapping it around the kitten. “I hope that Gray wasn’t too hard on her…”

“You don’t really think he would… do you…?” Happy asked, tail dropping as his ears fell flat against his head.

Lucy’s mouth twisted, torn by both logic and evidence. “I really don’t know. It doesn’t sound like Gray, but then… It must have been something drastic for Juvia to give up all hope for him…”

Happy gave a small sound almost like a squeak, edging just a little closer to Natsu.

The dragon slayer frowned viciously, before hissing “This is _Gray_ we’re talking about…” His jaw tensed, glare staying sharp and refusing to look either of them in the eye. The very accusation cut him just as deeply as those previous, muddled emotions that had been clogging up his mind. But he knew it was true. Even with nothing more to back up his argument, he was certain Gray would not hurt Juvia. Gray didn’t hurt anyone. Especially not someone that he deeply cared about…

At least, that was what he had always believed. But then, what did Natsu know? He had been wrong about the Ice Maker and Rain Woman’s relationship. Wrong about what it meant to make people happy. Wrong about how deep and meaningful his friendship was, and all the assumptions that went with it. Wrong even about his own emotional connection to Gray and what they were and what they could have become, what could have happened if he was just a few minutes later in that-

“Natsu?”

Natsu blinked back at Lucy. He must have zoned off. She was staring at him. Waiting for something.

“Yeah?” he asked, hoping she wouldn’t notice he had no idea what she was talking about.

“I wanted to ask… if you’ve managed to talk to Gray since your fight?”

It took a few moments for him to pick apart which ‘fight’ she was talking about. Afterall, this was Gray and Natsu; when was there a time that they didn’t fight? Even he couldn’t play dumb to what she meant though. He frowned and looked away. “I haven’t even seen him since he ditched me the other day…” he admitted.

Lucy’s face crumpled again. Even when he wasn’t watching her he could feel those round, sad eyes staring at him, twisting his insides further. “What about before then? Did he say anything about how he was doing?” she pressed lightly.

Natsu very much wanted to tell Lucy that she had the complete wrong interpretation of their friendship. Natsu and Gray didn’t _talk_. Gray didn’t _say_ anything. All they did was exchange punches and insults. It didn’t mean that he didn’t want more, didn’t want to have those moments to really _talk_ and to get into those softer moments of kindness, but right now it couldn’t have been further from the truth.

Yet again he could feel his eyes on her, waiting for him to talk again. Every pause was lasting an eternity and just letting her down again and again. He only wished he had a better answer. “Last time I really spoke to Gray was probably about two weeks ago,” he admitted with a shrug.

“Two weeks ago? You mean… before the war??” Lucy asked.

“I thought you said that you were going to talk to him this week?” Happy asked, turning his head up towards Natsu and looking at him quizzically.

Somehow, it felt like Natsu was being ganged up on. More disappointment, more of the wrong answers. “Yeah, well, I was… I guess I got a little distracted…” he admitted, scratching the back of his head awkwardly.

Distracted didn’t even seem to cover it. Running around to repair the guild, protecting his friends, trying to take care of Juvia, every opportunity had been a fork in the road to take him further away from the much-needed conversations. Not that they talked. Not that they were close. Not that he dared stir any unresolved issues.

Lucy and Happy threw each other a concerned look.

Lucy was the first one to lean forward, putting her hand on Natsu’s arm. She pretended to not notice his flinch, even if he tried to cover it with another hand through his hair. “It sounds like you two have a lot to talk about,” she told him softly. “It must have been frustrating for both of you, after… _everything_ …”

Natsu didn’t like the implication to that word. It was filled with far too many things, things that seemed dark and troubling and _final_. It sent a cooling shiver straight down his spine, and instinctively he pulled just a little further away from her. “It’s fine,” he said with a defiant shake of his head. “I’ll see him around the guild tomorrow or something.”

Lucy smiled faintly. “I think that sounds like a good idea.”

“I heard they’re going to put the last repairs on the mission board. We could pick up a couple of them.”

Lucy’s expression sank just a little, somewhere between her usual reluctance and a concern that ran even deeper. “Maybe the two of you working together on a repair isn’t the best idea... Could you just go out and talk? It doesn’t have to be a mission or job…”

Again, that clarity that Lucy was painfully oblivious to what Gray and Natsu _did_ , but if Natsu was honest with himself he didn’t know himself either. They’d spent almost every day of their lives by each other’s side, mostly by accident, and he still couldn’t explain what it meant to spend any time with him. He hadn’t even known where his house was…

“You can decide in the morning,” Lucy decided for him, standing swiftly and stretching in an almost hinting way. “I’m going to bed.”

“…We should probably get going.”

Lucy opened one eye curiously. Happy looked up at Natsu, watching as he stood slowly. “We’re not staying here?” the exceed asked him.

Natsu shook his head. “You can stay here if you want, but I’m heading back to the house.” He wasn’t particularly tired anyway, not yet. The walk would be long and smothered in darkness, and he could only hope that it would be enough to exhaust him into the open arms of his bed.

Lucy couldn’t conceal her disappointment, not entirely. But she was powerless against the stubborn dragon slayer, pouting as she sat back. “OK, stay safe Natsu…” she told him in a small voice.

Words could not express how much he wanted that for her, too. He hovered where he stood, the drumming of rain attacking the windows and making it impossible to think of the right thing to say. Eventually, he gave up, shaking his head as he made his way out into the cold.


End file.
